i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My ass is underappreciated
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
