My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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