Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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