Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
