We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
