it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
