This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
