I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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