doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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