Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
