We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
