Sry I called you an 8
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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