Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
