The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My boob is missing a layer of skin
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize