I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
