yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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