I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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