i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
