Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Randomize
