just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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