I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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