Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
