Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
