but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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