you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
