just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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