I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
