You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
