I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
