She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
