I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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