What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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