Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
