You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
