Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
