actually, I'm a sock model
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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