Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
