how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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