Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
