I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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