If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
a search helicopter?!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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