i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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