You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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