I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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