Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
