Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
