my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
