i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
