I want to stick my p in your. b.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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