i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
