marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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