I heard we made out
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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