tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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