thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
