i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
