Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
