i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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