you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
