I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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