So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
