wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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