I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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