I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
