so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
