I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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