Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
