I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
