I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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