Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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