Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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