my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize