I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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