currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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