worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
