he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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