i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
