It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
