Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
